The Meg (2018) Review

Certain films are a right of passage, key cultural touchstones. Jaws is most definitely one of these. Often imitated but never duplicated the quintessential shark scare story set on Amity Island defined a new generation’s perceptions of creature features. It’s satisfyingly scuzzy and playfully crude. I decided to revisit it some time ago and was rewarded with warm, fuzzy nostalgia.

If I recall correctly, the night after swimming with Jaws again I’d visited the pub. Crumpling into the sofa later that evening, kebab in hand, I’d crawled regretfully through the late night EPG to stumble across what looked like a prototypical late night action movie on one of ITV’s outer rim stations. It was basically a single protracted fight scene elongated to feature length. Every chomp of donner meat and garlic sauce was answered with a roundhouse kick or flurry of gun fire by Hispanic gangsters. Paradoxically, at the epicentre of all the chaos of Crank (2009) was an incredibly angry cockney man called Jason.

I had buried the latter experience deep into the recesses of my mind. Recently, however, I’ve had cause to excavate the troubled episode and excise the demons. The Meg was upon us. No, not a star vehicle for the incomparable Meg Ryan but a mega shark movie update. There was a gap in the market for such a thing we’re told and who better to potentially lead a new generation of hungry shark-based escapades than… the bald martial arts man! Jason. Jaws versus Crank.

It’s apparent from the trailer alone that this movie is going to be utterly ridiculous and that’s not a criticism. This isn’t released with a knowing wink towards award season, it’s big, it’s brilliantly preposterous and it’s fun. It’s squarely pitched in the same ballpark as something like Deep Blue Sea (1999) which was described by one of its stars LL Cool J as a movie. I feel that sums up The Meg pretty well and we all know what he means, it’s an extra large coke with lots of ice and a bucket of popcorn type of experience. As opposed to the rather different feel of a shot of something a little harsher you’d get from darker, horror tinged, cerebral affairs like The Shallows (2016) or Open Water (2003).

We want deep sea bases, explosions, crap one liners, shots of beaches full of unaware revellers whilst something sinister lurks below the waves, a scene where a boat gets tipped over, vastly excessive military deployment of heavy artillery. Oh and a big fucking fish.

Thankfully it’s all there but, regretfully, it’s shit.